Reflection on my second MCAT attempt
A picture of the Azores. I took this back in the summer of 2017.
On Saturday the 10th I took the medical colleges admissions test, known more commonly as the MCAT for the second time. Taking the MCAT easily ranks among the hardest things I have ever done. The sheer volume of information that you need to have knowledge on is enormous. The test requires you to have knowledge of general chemistry, biology, organic chemistry, biochemistry, physics, mathematical relationships, reading comprehension and analysis, sociology, neurobiology, physiology, and psychology. All that information is deemed important by the Association of American Medical Colleges or AAMC. How can one person develop, maintain, and apply deep knowledge of each of these topics?
When I first started studying for the MCAT three years ago, it seemed impossible. I looked at the thick Kaplan MCAT prep books and felt overwhelmed. Honestly, I opened the chemistry book briefly before I put them back on the shelf and didn't touch them until 3 months ago. Two years ago, I started a review course, Altius which has a smaller review book, but has intense personal tutoring, group sessions and infamously 14 or 15 practice full length MCAT tests. Altius suggests you take a test every other day into your actual test. Which I did in May of 2021. A test is 7 hours long. Just that ordeal was brutal and then on the off days you review each test and analyze your mistakes. Honestly, it brought me a stronger understanding of the test itself and the stamina required, yet I think that I was mentally burned out by the pace and never really was able to deeply review the topics I needed to. However, the test before my actual test, I scored a 521 or 98th percentile. I felt ready to take the test and was excited to see my high score. In June of 2021, when I received a 510 or 80th percentile score I was stunned. I opened the test at my grandparents’ house in Bountiful since I was working as a summer intern for the Department of Anesthesiology at the University of Utah. It took the wind out of my sails. That year of studying and the month of testing every other day only got me an 80th percentile. That was a huge low and to make things worse, everyone was wondering how it had gone. I felt like a huge disappointment. Only 80th percentile.
Honestly, I just told everyone that it went fine. I didn’t share my score because I was embarrassed of my score. I had defined my capabilities as a future medical student and doctor by this one metric. I almost quit pursuing medical school. The day I got my score, Emily came down spontaneously from Logan and we went to a park near my Grandparents house. I had sat down and written a letter encapsulating the feeling of the disappointment and frustration to myself. In it I stated my options, I could quit and go do something else. I could accept the score and apply as is and accept whatever trajectory that occurred. The final option was to lean into studying hard again and prep for another test. I still wasn’t sure what I was going to choose but I had to lay my choices out, decide and then not look back. I chose to take the test again.
After the first tests preparation I was burned out. I think subconsciously I decided to take a break from intensive studying. I still reviewed flashcards and watched various science videos. Sometime in October of 2021 I decided that I was going to start studying again. I couldn’t live with the feeling of quitting. That thought of quitting made me sick and I felt depressed just laying around not pushing for this goal I had chosen. I started to trek back up to the library. I started my tutoring again with Altius. However, the content wasn’t as helpful the second time. I already knew most of the content and I felt like it was inadequate to fill in my personal knowledge gaps. That is when I brushed off the Kaplan MCAT books. I read every chapter of Organic Chemistry, Physics and Behavioral science. I read every chapter review of each book. I made a 23-page review guide with all the formulae and information that I need to memorize. I deleted all non-necessary apps from my phone and signed-off Xbox from June to September 10th. I studied at my work from 5:30-9:30 every night. I went back into the fight and pushed as hard as I possible could. Honestly, it opened my eyes to so much latent capacity that we all have that we just push aside for entertainment and addicting distractions.
On September 10th I took the test. I felt relaxed and ready, although to remove any psychological burden I told myself that this round was still a practice test and that I was planning to take it again in April. I don’t have my score, but what I learned about consistent effort has been in and of itself a reward. If something doesn’t land your way or if you think you have given a thing 100% and it still isn’t where you want it, keep trying. I fundamentally think that this is the key to peace and success. Constant effort compounds and grows, I remember driving home on the Thursday before my test and my mind was just actively applying the MCAT content to my drive. The friction of my tires, the refraction of the moonlight over the mountains. I realized how marvelous this life is and how my MCAT studying has only enriched my life. I now feel like I can do and become more every day. If you have a goal that still hasn’t happened don’t quit even if you feel depressed about it’s current state. When you push through the pressure and difficulty and achieve the goal when you could have quit, you will feel a power and self-efficacy that can’t come any other way!
Stay awesome! Stay in the Gain!
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